Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
