just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The beer is more important than you right now.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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