I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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