If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
