if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
