can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
