Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
