you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
is wine microwaveable?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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