It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
