Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You ruined the universe
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
