fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
