Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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