I'm going to jail i love you
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
