we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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