True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
being pregnant is like rehab
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
