i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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