Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
