sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
