I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
