He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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