thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
