New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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