I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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