I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
