this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize