why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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