I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
