His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
