The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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