I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
