Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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