How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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