Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
