He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
