So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
