I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
MIDGETS
????
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize