My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
