Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
