Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
