i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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