He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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