My first STD was from a foam party
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize