I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize