she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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