There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
