I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
false alarm, still single
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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