he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
