yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
