Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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