awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
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